Hello friends!
I have a confession to make. Two weeks ago, I landed in the hospital with a barn-burner
of a panic attack. That was a first.
I was traveling for work in Indiana and hadn’t felt right for a few days leading up the
major onset of symptoms. I thought I was having a heart attack and/or stroke. Tightness
in the chest, shortness of breath, blurred vision, dizziness, difficulty swallowing and my
favorite… my hands went numb. It’s really hard to call an Uber when you can’t feel your
hands!
I managed to get myself to Methodist hospital, which I highly recommend should you
find yourself in an emergency in Indianapolis. Five out of five stars. I also text a couple
work colleagues to let them know where I was headed. I scared everyone to death, but
no one was more scared than I was. I literally thought I was going to die.
They admitted me immediately and because my symptoms were all over the place, they
ran all the tests. Labs, chest x-ray, EKG, MRI and other physical tests. The MRI was a
real treat when you consider I am extremely, EXTREMELY claustrophobic.
As it turns out, I am perfectly healthy. Still alive! But as I type this… maybe I’m not
perfectly healthy. I raise teenagers, hold a stressful job, travel extensively for work, our
daughter was a victim of a crime last year which has had us in the court system for over
a year, and we are rapidly approaching the one-year anniversary of the worst day of my
life, when my mother died by suicide.
So, maybe I’m not ok… In my head “I’m fine! I’m fine! I’ve GOT this! Just keep
swimming, just keep swimming!” but my body said otherwise. As it turns out, humans
need to breathe, sleep and eat. I wasn’t doing any of those things. Instead, I had been
taking care of everyone’s needs but my own and my body was DONE.
So, I’m slowing down. Reminding myself to eat and breathe (I unconsciously hold my
breath when I’m stressed.) and rest. I was exhausted. Still am! But I’m paying attention
to what my body very clearly told me two weeks ago, over 1,000 miles from home, in
the hands of medical professionals—take better care.
I saw my doctor when I got home, and she prescribed a couple of things to help the
stress and anxiety. Better living through modern chemistry! I got a massage. I’m walking
my dog. Practicing conscious breathing. Saying “no” to more things. Sleeping. And I’m
talking to YOU. Because I can talk all day long about how to take care of other people,
but I wasn’t doing a very good job of practicing what I preach and taking care of myself.
I’m working on it.
Sending much peace and love to you all,
Ginny, Smile Advocate
“I Am Not OK” By Jelly Roll