Why Jennifer Lowe Won’t Stop Asking ‘Are You Okay?’

Who is Jennifer?

I’ve been with Smiles for Jake since almost the beginning—a couple of years after it started. It’s been a long time, but it has been so rewarding.

By day, I am the Director of Foundation and Community Engagement at Cuyuna Regional Medical Center in Crosby. My job is connecting our community to the resources at the hospital, connecting those resources back to the community, and raising funds to help the patients in our community.  It sounds like a natural fit. But the real reason I’m here isn’t my job title. It’s personal.

I got involved because Kristi, our board chair at the time, saw me volunteering at a community event and said, “I really need to get you involved in our board.” I said, “Absolutely.” Not long after that, we brought on a family practice doctor in town who had just lost a dear friend and colleague—another physician—to suicide. She wanted to do something with that grief, and instead of starting something new from scratch, we joined forces. That partnership is really the groundwork of the education platform we still run today.

But if I’m honest, my connection to this goes back even further than the board. Growing up, suicide wasn’t something anyone talked about. It was rare, or it felt rare, because no one said the word out loud. I lost a classmate. One of my closest friends lost her mother to suicide. I’ve carried those losses with me my whole life, wondering why—when there are resources all around us—people still feel like they have no one to turn to.

What Does #WeAreAllJake Mean to You?

I never knew Jake. I knew his dad. But I don’t think that matters, because Jake’s name could be replaced with anyone’s.

Every single person has really bad days. Every person needs to reach out for help at some point, and needs to know where to go when they do. It doesn’t have to be a parent. It doesn’t have to be a school counselor. It could be a friend. It could be a friend’s parent. It could be a total stranger who happens to stop at exactly the right moment.

Jake could be Jennifer. It could be Dawsyn. It could be Tim. It could be you. We all go through struggles, and we all have the ability to change the world for someone else just by showing up for them. That’s the whole heart of “We Are All Jake” for me.

A Night I’ll Never Forget

People ask me why this work matters so much to my family, and I always come back to one night about a year ago.

My husband Bill, our oldest son, and I had just finished dinner at a restaurant here in town. It was a Friday night, around 8:30. As we walked out to the parking lot, we saw a car door open across the way, and a man slumped against the driver’s side, sitting on the ground. Something about it didn’t look right.

Bill pulled our car up next to him and asked, “Hey, are you okay?”

The man just started crying. “No,” he said. “I’m not.”

Bill got out of the car to talk to him. Our son and I stayed put—Bill wanted to make sure it was safe before bringing us any closer. What happened next is something I don’t think we would have known how to do without everything Smiles for Jake had already taught our family. Bill sat with him. He let him talk. This man was at his lowest point, and we could tell he was in a truly fragile state of mind.

We stayed. We told him it was going to be okay, that this was just a moment, not the whole story. We didn’t know where else to send someone in that kind of crisis at 8:30 on a Friday night, so we called for help to make sure he’d truly be safe once we drove away.

I remember sitting in the car with our fifteen-year-old afterward, talking through what we’d just been part of. He kept asking, “Jennifer, wasn’t there anything else we could have done?” I told him that calling for help was the safest thing. But what stuck with him, what really bothered him, was that there wasn’t anywhere open that night for someone in that kind of pain to go. That gap has stayed with our son ever since, and I think it changed how he moves through the world.

Weeks later, we ran into that same man while we were out shopping. He recognized Bill and thanked him. My husband had been nervous ever since that night—he wasn’t sure how the stranger would feel about the police being called. Instead, he was met with pure gratitude.

Had my husband not stopped that night, I don’t think that man would still be here today. But he is. And it makes me think—if we all stopped for the stranger, if we all just asked “are you okay,” how much would this world change?

Learning to Ask for Help Myself

This work isn’t just about what I’ve seen happen to other people. I’ve lived it too.

I went through a divorce in 2019. It was a hard time, and a close friend told me, “You know what, just go talk to one of our therapists.” So I did. Finding the right therapist is honestly a little like dating—you’re looking for someone who’s a genuine match for you, someone you can talk to like a friend. When I found her, she gave me some of the best advice of my life: just be happy, be successful, and know that life is going to change. Without that, I don’t think I’d be where I am today.

We all have down times. Life brings you down—a death in the family, a divorce, something you didn’t see coming. But reaching out, making that connection, was game-changing for me, and I encourage everybody to do it. We are all going to need someone to give us a little boost at some point in life. It’s okay to ask for that help. None of us have all the answers, and we were never supposed to.

When I was in high school, none of this was talked about. If you needed help, the stigma said you were “crazy,” that you were somehow less than. I truly believe we’ve had it wrong for a long time. Our brain is an organ, just like our heart. If your heart hurts, you see a cardiologist. If your knee hurts, you see an orthopedic specialist. Our brains deserve that same care, without any shame attached to it.

Where I See Smiles for Jake Going

I honestly think we are just getting started.

Our education platform, Project 11, is already teaching kids from kindergarten on up how to talk about their mental health at an age-appropriate level. My hope is to see that curriculum in every school across our area, and then keep growing from there. I want to see stronger partnerships between all of the mental health organizations doing this work in our community, because everybody has their own niche, their own specialty—and if we partner together, we can genuinely make a change.

One of our mental health providers once told me about a man who was in a dark place, considering suicide. He saw our blue smiley face logo, and it made him stop. It made him reach out for help instead. All it took was a blue smile.

That’s the kind of impact I want more of. Smiling at a stranger. Asking someone how their day is going. It goes further than people realize. I think we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg of what this organization can do.

How YOU Can Help

This work is embedded in my family now. We talk about it openly, at the dinner table, in the car. If my kids are having a rough day at school, I’ll ask them: what does Smiles for Jake stand for? What does it mean to volunteer, to be kind? Were you kind today? If not—are you ready to try again tomorrow?

I’d ask the same of anyone reading this. Volunteer your time. Bring us into your school, your workplace, your community group. Every dollar donated helps us reach one more classroom, train one more first responder, put one more blue smiley face somewhere it might matter to someone who needs it. We can’t do this work without people who are willing to show up, give, and have the hard conversation.

If we can just find kindness, and let it spread like wildfire—just think what this world could become.

Smile on,

Jennifer

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You don’t have to be a medical professional to make a difference, and no one has to face it alone. Support Smiles for Jake’s mission by donating, volunteering, or bringing a SMILE Advocate Session to your school or organization.